I did the socially progressive thing. That thing your friend does when they delete a social media account.
But usually they post about it to appear like they’ve got life together. I didn’t do that, but I thought about it. I want to seem to have it all together.
It’s deep and dark though: the goal behind those kinds of actions. When we feel a dramatic pull from the interiors of our heart to remove culturally-instilled systems to recollect sanity.
Each day was the same: a fresh morning with motion-blurred blue light competing with inviting amber rays.
Complacent scrolling was demolishing any hope I had of starting something new.
More than that, I was starting to feel a wash of loneliness that was only present when I was connecting “socially” online.
The Intention Was Right
I deleted Instagram because I was exhausted with how much I compared my life with others.
A mental tally was skyrocketing with the uncountable events that should be a part of my life because they were a part of someone else’s life.
And the VSCO 06 filter made it all look like a dream.
It’s as if the muted aesthetics of peach skin tones and dulled greens truly sought to fragment what was left of my fragile ego.
And a stream of 500 people’s Wednesday afternoon made a stark contrast against my day.
It’s amazing how I created this fictional superstar out of an amalgam of everyone I followed.
I don’t know if you’re the same way, but my brain treated 500 people as if they were one superstar person I was specifically supposed to out live.
Comparison was killing my drive, my joy, and my energy.
Everyone seemed to be doing better than me. Everyone had better lives.
How am I supposed to keep up when everyone keeps getting more than me?
I deleted my Instagram account with the right intention of silencing my envy and longing.
But, deleting my Instagram account didn’t change the deeper issue I had with scarcity and goodness.
Abundance Doesn’t Have A Limit
So often we carry around the idea that goodness is limited. And you better hope that you can find more and more of it and store up what you get before it’s gone.
How often have you seen someone else with part of the life you think you deserve and are filled with contempt and envy?
This is the scarcity mentality. The scarcity mentality tells us that there is a limit to joy and prosperity and hope and love and resource.
Only a few and select get to benefit from it.
But, this scarcity mentality is a lie we tell ourselves because we’ve believed that abundance is limited.
We’ve believe that we don’t deserve goodness. Or that that we don’t deserve love and joy.
I Started Discounting The Abundance In Other’s Lives While Crushing My Own
The scarcity mentality had me believing that if someone else was receiving goodness, then that meant I wasn’t getting my share.
It created a frustration and hopelessness that immediately caused me to everything about someone in a desperate hope to cling on to my own pride.
Someone would receive goodness and I’d list in my head everything that proved to me they didn’t deserve it.
I squashed the goodness that others received and expected goodness would come to me because of it.
See, when you criticize the very thing you want, you’ll never receive it.
You’ll only continue to squander the little piece of goodness you have left in yourself.
About A Friend And Money
I have a friend who absolutely despises “rich” people. Not even crazy wealthy multi-millionaires. Simply anyone who receives goodness.
At the same time, he would talk about how beneficial a resource like money could help him accomplish his goals and help others as well.
As I started considering his mentality, I realized that he was condemning the very thing he wanted…
He wanted resource. But, whenever it came to someone else, he cursed it.
How do you expect anything to flow to you without first considering that thing a gift, no matter who receives it?
The Truth About Giftedness
The flow of giftedness and resource and goodness will never run dry.
Richard Rohr brilliantly says it like this:
“We mend and renew the world by strengthening inside ourselves what we seek outside ourselves, and not by demanding it of others or trying to force it on others.”
Abundance is a flow channeled by what we cultivate inside of ourselves.
If you’re searching for peace, become peaceful.
If you need love and affection, treat others with overwhelming love and grace.
Nothing you desire is limited. The divine doesn’t serve fixed quantities of hope and joy and the like.
All that is required of you is the willingness to cultivate within yourself what you’re searching for.
Instagram, The Teacher
Social media has taught me much about myself.
It showed me the deeply rooted pride and ego that was systemically controlling my life.
It taught me how to express my deepest fears and insecurity through jealousy and hatred and ego.
Ultimately, it left me with the shockingly cold realization that I am simply how I react to what’s around me.
Now that I’ve had time to process and grow, I’m welcome the things in my life that show me my faults. I’m thankful for the things that cause me to grow through the unhealthy patterns.
Are You There Too?
Maybe you’re right there with me. Are there things in your life that are causing jealousy and frustration and contorting your view of goodness and joy in your life?
What’s causing you to believe that goodness can only exist when you get your share?
I see so many people delete social accounts or throw away damaging things, but they never deal with the underlying issue of what they believe about joy and fulfillment.
See, social media isn’t inherently bad. But, the relationship I had with it was.
It led me to believe lies about myself and others and the world.
You’ll start to gain freedom and joy when you can break down the limiting beliefs you have about the goodness you can find.
And it isn’t this mystical idea that goodness is swirling around you and you have to catch it…
It’s the idea that goodness exists in your life when you willingly choose to create it.
But it’s going to take work on your part.
You’re going to have to forgive your parents. You’ll need to work past the abuse and manipulation you experienced.
You’ll never to recover from the lies you’ve been told.
Ultimately, what you cultivate inside of yourself will champion you through the rest of your life.
Don’t let accounts, or people, or giftedness, or tragedy control how you react to events. Don’t let poor circumstances control what you create.
What are you choosing to cultivate inside yourself that will lead you into a life of joy and inclusivity for others?